First off, please bear with the housekeeping as I work with this here computerized website thingamajig, as I'm not technologically blessed, and there are going to be some hiccups while I get my site how I want it to look. I'm blending this blog with my other online work, and there are going to be plenty of bumps in the road. I promise I'll try to make them painless for you, because anal-retentive Virgo me goes nuts when something isn't just how I want it, particularly when it comes to A) something that someone else will see and B) something that inconveniences others.
I nestle in on the settee until I hear him start to fuss, then get up and take him out, and then everyone sleeps—in theory, anyway. So, last night, I was watching the FFTFL movie for the bazillionth time as I hunkered down, and three things came to mind. Little epiphanies that will hopefully lead me on to bigger successes.
The first was something that Rik said in the movie, about changing just one thing at a time. I can do that, right? I can drink those extra glasses of water one week, and walk those extra steps the next week, and whatever the following week. I know I've mentioned this previously, but this is really hitting home with me. I've always been an all-or-nothing kind of gal, and so set very unrealistic goals for myself, trying to do everything in record breaking speed, rather than being sensible and working on one goal and seeing it through to completion (this is probably why I have so many UFOs—UnFinished Objects—when it comes to my knitting stash, too, but that's another story). So this time, I'm doing it sensibly, changing just one thing at a time. I'm in this for the long haul, not to be a sprinter (ha, see what I did there).
The second was that, I couldn't get comfy on the sofa. Now, this might not seem like a biggie, but think about it. This is a nice settee, it's got plenty of good spring in it, It is on a solid frame, so why couldn't I get comfy? Because I was too fat to lay on it correctly. I had to have a footstool to prop up a bent knee. So, little goal, little reason for doing this; I want to fit on the couch.
Lastly, I had a chat with a friend of mine who has successfully lost a lot of weight and kept it off. She lives in England and does the 'wolf runs' over there, which are pretty intense, but then, she's a pretty amazing kind of gal. I was talking about my goals and she assured me that I could do this. I can be really determined when I make myself. I went back to school to learn how to throw pots (I'm a hand-builder at heart), I set my sites on getting a studio open here and now the building is sitting in my back garden, and my career is heading the direction I want it to go. I've done all that. My determination made it happen. Jayne told me that I could make this happen, too, and it hit me. All of the accomplishments I've done in the last 18 months have been something I've done. Losing weight and immersing myself into the world of fitness will change who I am, and that terrifies me, because I've never been anyone else but me—overweight, wobbly, me.
Anyone else feel that sense of dread?